Woes of an Internet addict...

I am one of those Internet addicts who feels restless with an Internet-less laptop... A laptop without internet is as good as useless... 

Last month's Internet plan got over a day before the scheduled validity... and i woke to a  Saturday morning without Internet... I was using MTS and the recharging was mostly online before the validity getting over... 

This time, i don't have the option for online recharging because even my phone internet was not active... The second option was to go to the MTS store which i know was quite far... you need to get ready, take a metro and recharge and comeback by evening...

So i took the easy way; recharge vodafone... and use in the dongle... Unfortunately, at 10 am, the man at the local phone store didn't give me much options and i ended up recharging a low data plan... means i have to be really careful in the downloads...

I am used to a unlimited plan at any time and this plan made me quite uncomfortable... like closing the connection even when I am not using... I am so hooked to the news and updates and other activities that when the notifications stop coming, i feel like i am shut out from the rest of the world... Even when i am reading a book or doing something else, i would always look up for updates... i need all the updates to keep coming... 

This whole week had been irritating with internet woes, probably i will change my plan next week... But the whole process made me realize how addicted i am to Internet... what if i ended up some place where there is no connectivity of any kind... I will sure go insane in no time... 

Getting out of this Internet, should be a slow process... Reducing the internet activity can be tough... Facebook and twitter and score updates on the match days are the worst... cant just get away from them... for me, it will need quite a lot will power to stay away...

The wait for that call which never came...

I kept glancing at the phone every now and then.... even though it was never on 'silent'...
Infact, the sound settings kept it in 'loud' mode rather than the 'normal'... just in case... if i am away....
And every now and then i kept checking the range; should not lose the call.. if in case the phone goes off the range...
Even when i slept, it kept it right under the pillow...
All these... in wait for that call... which never came by the way....
Its been hours? days? weeks? (or may be months)... losing track of time... losing the patience...

In the end.... what is left is a broken heart... the pain and disappointment....

Dealing with the WHYs...

Life poses more questions than answers these days... Because life is never fair and it never gives a feeling of perfection or satisfaction...
It's an uncertain world around... and it is sometimes scary even to think about the uncertainties in life...
There are lots of WHYs in my mind right now...

Why human beings have to struggle?
Why there is happiness and sadness at uneven proportions?
Why some sufferings never go away?

Life plays the game on its own rules... Its the human task to find the rules and play and then win...

Why can't we have the short cut to success?
Why there is no cheat code for this?

Looked around for answers and i know i will never get from any source... It is stupid to look for short cuts and cheat codes... But sometimes life challenges in such a way that the anger in me makes me look for ways... ways to win... ways to survive... ways to be on top...
Ah, life... you play harder now!!!

Me and my dangerous mind...

(random ramblings)

Sometimes what puts you down most may not be the discouraging words of others, but it is what coming from your own mind...

Your thoughts control you... 

It tells you things which make you feel better... It can also put you in a place where you start doubting yourself... 

Mind plays!!!

Dreams are soothing... But nightmares leave your day ruined...

Mind plays!!!

Thoughts can cheer you up as well as crush you... 

Controlling my wandering mind? Focus by meditation... throwing my lazy self out... more reading, more writing... more patience... 

Dealing with the most dangerous entity in my life!!! 

(feel much better)

The 'puppy murder' in my neighbourhood...

I am a morning person.... to be exact 'early morning' person... I jog from 5.30 if it is summer... U have to to be up early to have some fresh air, click some morning photos while jogging because from 7 am the mad rush begins with people moving around, cars screaming around...
Speaking of clicking photos, June has been a a great month for puppy photos... I realised, almost every street dog in our colony gave birth during this summer.... different sets of puppies at different corners... But street dog, street puppies... i wonder how are their survival chances in this world... Last week in the park... the mom dog was with 3 puppies initially... i found day by day the puppies went missing one by one... what is happening to these puppies...
Today i got the answer to that question... which was sad and that scene will haunt me for a long time...

I was just back from my jogging... and suddenly it started raining... i was in the balcony enjoying the change of climate because the summer was a killer and any decrease in the temperature was something i celebrate...
Then i saw my neighbour, 3 floors below, walking towards his car parked road side... The part of housing area i am staying, many houses don't have parking space, and they park their vehicles road side... This car was parked close to a construction site and the backside of the car was in a pile of sand...
As the man started the engine, i saw a dog coming out from under the car... She was taking shelter under the car in the pile of sand which might be cool... On a second glance i realised, she was not alone under the car, there were movements and those could be puppies.... The puppies were clearly on the path if the car was to go in reverse... As my thoughts were in why the dog is not going back to save her puppies and will the car go in reverse... in that fraction of time; which were couple of seconds, the car took a giant reverse turn and then raced forward... I couldn't even gather myself to scream at the man to stop before he started moving the car... everything was done in those seconds...
2 out of the 6 puppies were crushed under the wheel... i was frozen... it was raining and now the other puppies were getting drenched, the mom had to take them to somewhere... she started picking one by one with her mouth and moved to a shaded place at the construction site... once she was done with unhurt 4, she started checking the crushed bodies of the two puppies, she took one inside, that might have been breathing... but bloody and all as i can see from up... She didn't come out for a last one... it was in the rain, in that sand pile... I went down after a while to check... the puppy was crushed very badly....

I am not a very good per person, or like the idea of too many street dogs on the road... But that was gruesome... I live in country where there are no laws when it comes to animal safety... that is the reason, our streets houses way too many dogs... and with the kind of vehicles on road and rash driving these dogs are never safe... We have blue cross in India... but with my experience with them in Hyderabad, they don't care for any animal.... they pick them from one place and drop them in animal... We need strict laws, laws to control the animals and laws for their safety...

Also, people parking their cars by roadside in the summer... why cant they just check if there are any animals taking shelter under their vehicles... its summer and there are chances that a cat or a dog or a family of them might be underneath...

Though i am cursing the driver for the 'murder'.... i feel its also my fault... i couldn't and i didn't do anything to save those puppies... and that scene of that dog checking the crushed bodies of the puppies will haunt me for a while...

I dug way too deep...

I had no other choice other than to keep digging...
because i needed a way out...
With every inch covered, i thought i was getting closer and closer... 

I was in high hopes... 
I was quite excited in the beginning...
It all looked like an adventure...
After a while it started getting darker..
So i kept digging harder... 

But never i saw an indication of the end...
Now that i have dug too deep, the lights have faded... 

I think i am lost...

Summer heat effects....

Summer at its full form again... 

I hate summer, especially Delhi summer... its hard, its sultry, its unbearably hot.... and its drives me nuts...

This summer is harder for me as i am working/writing from home... With so much construction works around and the noise pollution associated with it plus the heat, sometimes the word 'unbearable' finds new meanings...

Last day, i found a way to stay sane in the heat wave... paint and brush.... my art set was dusted and unused for a long time... sorted the paints out... and there goes one of the outputs... that made a wall looked artistic, hid some of the stains on it and gave me a feeling of satisfaction...

i couldn't stop just with some hand prints... i had a stack of bottles in our kitchen; old and unused... took everything out and painted them with fabric paints... i was on a roll for almost half a day... i would have painted anything and everything in the house... but, by then i finished most of my fabric paints...

It was a crazy hot day... but by the end of it. i had my house decorated lots of colours....

Well, now i know what to do when the temperature soars and make normal thinking impossible... some splash of colour and some craziness with paints...